I’m either going to make it or break it – there isn’t a third option.
I’ve read all the pitches, fell for gimmicks (and on my face), and now I am left wondering what the actual flipping point is.
What the heck am I doing?
My entire life was built in fabrications that I don’t even understand.
Recently, it has come to my attention that none of us really have any idea what we’re doing. So, I figured I might as well live my best life regardless of the actual resources available to me.
To start off, I am officially announcing I have absolutely no idea what I am doing.
I have nothing to lose by removing myself from the anonymity of the internet.
My name is Doreen – flawed, frayed, and pardon my French – f&@ked up!
My daughter took this picture without my knowledge. I’m not a fan, but it does show a team working together at Daee Dreamz
I own Daee Dreamz but technically I don’t even ‘work’ here. I am a freelancer. I also have a slew of likeminded daydreaming freelancers that contract with me. We are all knowledgeable talented equals. No one officially ‘works’ at Daee Dreamz – “we” just resolve issues or complete jobs. I do all the work and stressing but occasionally I exist outside the internet.
Recently, I realized I polluted a dream and now I am fixing that. Daee Dreamz is a place to achieve dreams, not bury them under a mountain of frivolous tasks.
We have two choices in life – sink or swim. If I am going to sink, I am going to make it worth it. So, today is the day I announce the beginning of reorganization of Daee Dreamz. I don’t know how it will end up, but I do know how it IS isn’t working.
Working is something we do. It is not something we love. I could never understand how we spend our lives working, giving everything away to achieve a paycheck. Like everyone else, I need money, but I’ve reached a point in my life where money isn’t enough.
To work for a company, we need to have a living wage. In this day-and-age a living wage is hard to come by. Utilities and rent are astronomically high with wage benefits low in comparison. I must work three other jobs to be a starving artist. I’m going to work forever, why put on a mask?
Daee dreams is a variation of daydreams. I made it because I am a daydreamer.
I didn’t consider until recently that I daydream as a dissociative adaptation I developed to live in a severely dysfunctional upbringing.
When I was forced to recognize that – my world came crashing down.
The daydreams helped hide me from trauma – but – it helped hide my true abilities, strengths and desires. Now, the picture I see does not match the life I have lived at all. I’m lost. I can’t figure out where to turn. Therapy offers drugs and diseases. Doctors complacently give orders of: “If it hurts don’t do it”. My mind tells me: “You gotta do something.”
So here I am – wondering – fearing- and worrying about what to do.
Which brings us full circle. I don’t know what I am doing, but I do know what I want.
I want to write.
So, I will write.
Who am I?
Whoever I want to be
Never forget to believe in yourself. No one else is going to raise the price you put on yourself – and that hurts – but not enough to keep living that way.
If you believe in nothing, you will fall for anything.
I believed I was nothing and I was falling
Now, I’m getting back up and I will be writing. I can’t make any assumptions about how many updates I will make over the next week or two, but I can tell you there will be updates.
I am learning how to express and explain the deeper issues and that won’t come overnight
So, this is the beginning of the breakdown or break through – I guess only time will tell which one I will experience.
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